The Messy Side of Giving

I think I've learned something else about myself in these past two challenges that is just now registering.

I don't like writing until I have a cohesive thought with a logical conclusion on which to end.

Unfortunately, I haven't been having a lot of those recently. My thought process has been quite jumbled, and since I don't really think anyone would find it interesting to hear what I 'did' today versus what I 'thought' I end up just not writing. It's not fun to sit down and try to convey your convictions to the world when you've had little more than general convictions that have led to specific questions the answers to which you have yet to discover.

That's how I've felt lately... everything I do, every purchase I make, every plan I set in stone is suspect to my own conscience. One difficulty lies in feeling like it's a good thing to care for what I've been given (i.e. spending money at Lowe's to buy tools for upkeep and improvement) but knowing that many others are slapping mud on their walls to fill cracks. Another one is found in wanting to please and 'bless' people I love with things that involve monetary spending (i.e. buying birthday presents or spending money on doing fun things together) but mentally recognizing how much could be done with that same amount if given to a third-world family. It's probably a good thing, but I'm not necessarily liking it yet... And 'yet' is likely an unnecessary word, since I doubt that conviction is every a comfortable experience. I automatically go to the word 'balance' to give myself a goal... but at the same time I'm struggling with the idea that balance might not be a biblical principal.

So I have no answers! :) I'm still wrestling with all of this, and these first couple of weeks in Month 3 have felt like nothing more than Spring Cleaning up to this point. That is, however, about to change. In fact, the change has already started. This morning Amy and I, along with two of her girls, rode into town together (thank you, truck, for deciding not to start for me...) to drop some donations at the Hope House in Shawnee. Unfortunately, we didn't get to take a tour at the time. But the director who received our items was able to tell us a little about it and what the needs were.

The Hope House is a residential setting shelter for children in the foster care system waiting for foster homes to open up a place for them. There is a sever shortage of foster care homes in comparison to the amount of kids in the foster care needing a place to stay. So all of those kids that need a home but don't have one get to go stay in a residential center with about 10 other kids for possibly months at a time before being placed, or re-placed, in a foster or adoptive home.

In all honesty, 'stuff' was not really what they needed. Oh, there were some items that we had that he accepted. But he was glad that we had actually asked him to reject what they wouldn't use so he didn't have to sort it all and find another place to pass things too! No, what they really hurt for is people. They need personnel to work at the center while not expecting to make buckets of money (shortfalls in the state budget leads to budget cuts for them which leads to pay cuts for workers). They need people to sign up for foster care so fewer kids have to live in these homes. The need people to adopt so kids can have a forever home.

We have several other places we intend to visit this week and the entire Council is trying to find a time to join my sister's co-worker on his weekly visits to a downtown OKC bridge. It's this part of the month that I am most excited about... there is nothing emotionally moving about cleaning out my crowded cabinets and getting rid of my piles of excess. But I am anticipating a time of new growth as I get out of my comfort zone in these new places and learn about other needs... exploring the messy side of giving where you actually meet a need face-to-face, outside the walls of a clean, tidy church or organization, in the middle of another person's reality.