The Messy Side of Giving

I think I've learned something else about myself in these past two challenges that is just now registering.

I don't like writing until I have a cohesive thought with a logical conclusion on which to end.

Unfortunately, I haven't been having a lot of those recently. My thought process has been quite jumbled, and since I don't really think anyone would find it interesting to hear what I 'did' today versus what I 'thought' I end up just not writing. It's not fun to sit down and try to convey your convictions to the world when you've had little more than general convictions that have led to specific questions the answers to which you have yet to discover.

That's how I've felt lately... everything I do, every purchase I make, every plan I set in stone is suspect to my own conscience. One difficulty lies in feeling like it's a good thing to care for what I've been given (i.e. spending money at Lowe's to buy tools for upkeep and improvement) but knowing that many others are slapping mud on their walls to fill cracks. Another one is found in wanting to please and 'bless' people I love with things that involve monetary spending (i.e. buying birthday presents or spending money on doing fun things together) but mentally recognizing how much could be done with that same amount if given to a third-world family. It's probably a good thing, but I'm not necessarily liking it yet... And 'yet' is likely an unnecessary word, since I doubt that conviction is every a comfortable experience. I automatically go to the word 'balance' to give myself a goal... but at the same time I'm struggling with the idea that balance might not be a biblical principal.

So I have no answers! :) I'm still wrestling with all of this, and these first couple of weeks in Month 3 have felt like nothing more than Spring Cleaning up to this point. That is, however, about to change. In fact, the change has already started. This morning Amy and I, along with two of her girls, rode into town together (thank you, truck, for deciding not to start for me...) to drop some donations at the Hope House in Shawnee. Unfortunately, we didn't get to take a tour at the time. But the director who received our items was able to tell us a little about it and what the needs were.

The Hope House is a residential setting shelter for children in the foster care system waiting for foster homes to open up a place for them. There is a sever shortage of foster care homes in comparison to the amount of kids in the foster care needing a place to stay. So all of those kids that need a home but don't have one get to go stay in a residential center with about 10 other kids for possibly months at a time before being placed, or re-placed, in a foster or adoptive home.

In all honesty, 'stuff' was not really what they needed. Oh, there were some items that we had that he accepted. But he was glad that we had actually asked him to reject what they wouldn't use so he didn't have to sort it all and find another place to pass things too! No, what they really hurt for is people. They need personnel to work at the center while not expecting to make buckets of money (shortfalls in the state budget leads to budget cuts for them which leads to pay cuts for workers). They need people to sign up for foster care so fewer kids have to live in these homes. The need people to adopt so kids can have a forever home.

We have several other places we intend to visit this week and the entire Council is trying to find a time to join my sister's co-worker on his weekly visits to a downtown OKC bridge. It's this part of the month that I am most excited about... there is nothing emotionally moving about cleaning out my crowded cabinets and getting rid of my piles of excess. But I am anticipating a time of new growth as I get out of my comfort zone in these new places and learn about other needs... exploring the messy side of giving where you actually meet a need face-to-face, outside the walls of a clean, tidy church or organization, in the middle of another person's reality.

Month 3: Possessions

I just realized how poorly I kept up with posting during Month 2... and I was so on top of it in Month 1! Really though, as expected, the clothes challenge wasn't nearly as big of a deal as the food was. Apparently I care more about what I eat than what I wear. Still trying to decide if that's a good thing or not... I DID, however, notice that by the end of the month, while I was still enjoying the simplicity involved in knowing exactly what I was going to wear before going to bed each night, I was also starting to feel a little frumpy. After a month of wear mystery stains were starting to pop up on my shirt and my shoes were getting dirtier and dirtier. It didn't exactly get to my self-esteem, per say, it just had me ready for the month to end. 

Yesterday was the first day of wardrobe freedom and my clothes count skyrocketed. I woke up and got into my old favorite pair of jeans (I didn't choose those because they're not fit for public wear... stains of many colors and a non-fashion-inspired hole testify to the love I have for those jeans). Slipped into a new shirt, (yes... I did the unthinkable and actually got new clothes DURING this clothes challenge... but in my defense I spent literally next to nothing on them. Thank you for that mailer, JCPenny, I absolutely love $10 off $10 or more coupons!) and back into my favorite pair of shoes. After getting home from running some errands I changed into running shorts, a tank top, and tennis shoes. Then after a run and the temperature starting to drop I switched back into jeans and changed my shoes out for boots. I told you at the beginning that this is normal for me! ;)

But all that is behind me and the daily purge of this month's challenge is before me. The title of this post was probably pretty indicative of what the focus is for the next 4 weeks. 

Stuff.

We all know we have too much of it. Some of us have storage containers rented out to hold the things we can't find a place for in our homes. Others of us have out buildings of our own to store the extra in. Most of us have at least several cabinets and closets full to overflowing. Every once in awhile we will all stand in the middle of a messy house and wonder where in the world it all came from. And then, (at least if you're me) we will go hit another garage sale, just because we can or we may miss out on a great deal for something we don't really need. 

This month's challenge is two-fold for me. The first is getting rid of 7 items every day for an entire month. I expect the first two weeks to be pure bliss... I really do love to get rid of stuff I don't use or really like. Just ask my dad... I don't hang on to things. Much to his chagrin, if it doesn't get used or contribute in some way to my happiness then it either goes in the trash or the Goodwill pile. Yes, even if it was, at one time, given me by a family member. Hey, what they don't know won't hurt them, right? About the only things I've held on to for sentimental reasons are correspondences and accomplishments. Letters I keep and certificates I keep. Both are small and easy to stash away. I just don't connect people or memories to inanimate objects. *shrug* So with that in mind, I'm sure I will love minimizing the stuff I've accumulated over the years and getting rid of the piles that have slowly formed. 

The last two weeks, however, could get tough. Because I don't keep things, I'm expecting to run out of things that I actually WANT to get rid of before I reach the end of this month. Which leads to getting rid of things I want to keep. Which will be a sacrifice. Which is kind of what this whole season of my life is about. Which I'm still not sure I'm going to like. 

Anyways...

Since the point of this isn't just to Christianize a normal spring cleaning, we're supposed to abstain from simply dumping our rejects at the back door of the local thrift store where people like me go looking for a good deal. This is where the challenge and the beauty meet... We are challenged to actually find people who need these things we have to give and bless them, face-to-face. Passing it off to friends isn't acceptable. As Jen puts it, we need to stop focusing on blessing the blessed. Why give our stuff to people who already have too much stuff? No, that 2-piece business suit that I just put into my pile might fit my friend perfectly... but that girl in frumpy sweats and t-shirt on the side of the road with a cardboard sign? A good business suit might be exactly what she needs to be presentable enough to go have that job interview. Those shoes in my pile might look cute on my sister, or mom, or neighbor... but that barefoot woman walking back to her children under the bridge just passed her shoes off to her oldest daughter because hers finally fell apart. She is the one who truly needs them. 

Over the next few days I am going to be looking into how we can best contact the people who truly need what we will all be getting rid of this month. I'm excited and daunted by the task ahead of us... I expect this month could be one of the most life changing ones in the whole series, simply because it will, Lord willing, put us in the presence of those with the greatest of needs. May the Lord use us in ways we aren't even imagining right now and open up a whole new world in the process!