I’m torn by some of my
readings of this year. Broken over issues the Spirit has revealed to
me. Devestated by the suffering my eyes are slowly being opened to. Sickened by my own disregard to those who are in its grasp.
In the last year I successfully read
my way through David Platt’s ‘Radical’, Kyle Idleman’s ‘Not a Fan’, James
MacDonald’s ‘Vertical Church’, Mark Batterson’s ‘Primal’ and Jen Hatmaker’s ‘7’.
The Word of the Lord in James, the first three chapters of Revelation, various portions of the prophets, plus the ‘pulling no punches’ red letters of
Jesus have pricked my heart. First I tried to ignore it but now I
am learning to listen to and fully embrace it. My heart is hurting for my country
and, more specifically, those within it who believe they are on the path
to life; like me.
Mark 10 tells the story of the
rich young ruler’s encounter with Jesus. After explaining all the good things
he has done he is confronted with one glaring blind spot. His greed. And that
one spot was one he wasn’t willing to turn away from. As he turned to leave,
Jesus spoke words that ought to strike fear in almost every American heart. “How
difficult it is for the rich to enter the kingdom of heaven.”
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve
taken that passage and used it in a lesson. I’ve urged youth to give it all (or
at least be willing to give it all… because
who are we kidding? We always have a mental asterisk by these verses that says ‘Jesus
isn’t telling everyone to sell what they have and give to the poor… but He
might’.) Usually, these lessons are supplemented with quotes from the afore
mentioned books encouraging radical sacrifice and living.
Then I go home and spend my
Sunday afternoon sitting on my soft couch watching t.v. with my husband in our
new home, stuffing my face from any of the readily available food choices from
my pantry and feeling good about myself because I did a good job of ‘not watering
down the gospel’. I don’t want to make fake, wimpy followers of Christ.
But all along there’s been a
tension. Frustration has been growing and for awhile I laid it on other people’s
shoulders. I blamed the state of the church, this fat and sassy American
Christianity that tends to think they have it all figured out but which does so
little true good in the world. And then the Spirit spoke to me. “You are the church,” He said. “You are the problem. You are right to
grieve over others… but you can only act to change your own life.”
This is me… tired of reading
about radicalism and feeling inspired but doing nothing. This is me... tired of wanting to do something and not knowing how. This is me… tired of
dreaming about things changing and then going on about my life as normal
because I’m afraid of change. This is me… the average, American, church-going
small town girl with a smoldering determination to go against the flow.
And finally… this is me with a
plan.
This will be a year of fasting,
following the model given by Hatmaker in ‘7: An Experimental Mutiny Against
Excess’. It will be a year of giving, following as the Lord leads and investing
my efforts to raise money for the revealed causes. It will be a year of
learning as I study new issues and open my mind to consider the things so often
brushed under the rug. It will be a year of self-examination and discomfort as
I push out of my comfort zone. And hopefully, it will yield a harvest of growth
in my spiritual life, contentment, joy, and purpose that I have yet to
experience in my blessed life.
