Two Sides to Every Coin

What an overdue time of sitting down and writing... and I'm doing it in unsanctioned clothes as my DH whisks me off on a spontaneous adventure during which he has claimed the right to dictate what I wear. I haven't counted yet, but I think I have about 3 or 4 separate outfits for this little excursion, including high heels and a dress I consider to fall under the 'fancy' label. I'm thankful that I truly had no angst over agreeing to his heist of my project and my cohorts have been nothing but supportive of my embracing this opportunity. As my mom said, God does give us our husbands for balance!

With the realization that we are closing in on the halfway mark of this challenge comes the realization that it has been much, MUCH easier than the food month! The only real challenge comes with making sure I have clothes that are at least halfway clean when I need to leave the house. So far, the dress I picked out as my 7th item has been a lifesaver on that head. I wear it so infrequently that it's never dirty! The other problem I've faced is the shoe issue... I almost had a meltdown the other day when I stepped in the pottery clay that passes as dirt in our yard when I had on my flats. I mean, seriously... It was a Monday and had been a Monday in every sense of the term. Being a tad sleep deprived probably wasn't helping any. At the very least, I'm sure I got a glimpse into what it must feel like for that poor friend I'm trying to identify with to get the first stain/first rip/etc on their ONE nice thing. I ran inside and got the wet rag and stood over the trash can trying to restore them to their previous shiny state and still get out the door on schedule, slipping into my boots and carrying them to the car this time.

That evening I had a nice birthday supper with my sister-in-laws and got to catch up over some fresh Mediterranean food. As we laughed and groaned over each other's past few months I found myself asked once more what I was learning through this whole thing. It was easy to sum up the first month, but I found myself struggling at first to find some good, solid points that had come up in this one. Of course there was the obvious, "I found out I have too much stuff in my closet", but this month feels so much more complicated for some reason.

On the first day of this challenge I found myself working on something in the living room and, as I am wont to do, I had What Not To Wear playing in the background. Please, don't roll your eyes. I know reality tv is cheesy, but I actually liked that show one upon a time. It's gotten old, the timeline is precisely the same every single episode, and I have the rules memorized. But you have to understand that when I first got married I knew next to nothing about fashion and I learned a lot from Stacy and Clinton! So I guess you could say that there's a special place in my heart for that show. ;) But this episode was interesting in a new way because of the subject's story and how she ended up where she was.

Since I can't remember her name, I'll just call her Laura. Laura was a woman of about 30 and she got ambushed wearing baggy khaki slacks, a turtleneck sweater, and a misfitted, also khaki colored jacket. She was a business woman and her family, co-workers, and even boss were in on getting her nominated for the show. They had known her long enough to know her heart, her work ethic, and her passion for life. Their concern, as always, was that her lack of effort in the clothing department was holding her back in life and work. She jumped on the opportunity to go shopping, but soon became slightly more resistant as she went through the process of being lambasted for her wardrobe and chided for not putting forth more effort into her appearance. That's when we hear her back story.

It turns out that she was once an extremely stylish young lady. She actually said that she was a little too obsessed with fashion and fixated on her appearance to an extreme. But then she faced a life changing experience... she got caught in the crossfire of the genocide in Uganda. When she made it out alive the memories of what she had seen and experienced made all her fashionable clothes look pathetically frivolous in comparison. She started wearing whatever she had and never wasted money on her looks. Her priorities saw a 180... and it got her nominated for What Not To Wear. In two days time she spent over $6000 on a new wardrobe for herself. Throughout the shopping she struggled with the knowledge that she was spending so much. Stacy and Clinton argued that these clothes would help her affect the change she wanted to by making her more approachable and look as reputable as she actually was. She started to dust off her habits of dressing well and rediscovered the joy she found in feeling put together. Then she felt terrible when she thought of the genocide and how frivolous it all was. And she tried to find balance...

I sat there watching this unfold and felt the same tension I'm sure she was feeling because I understand both sides of the issue. I grew up caring very little about my appearance. My parents did an excellent job of making sure that their children's worth was not tied up in clothing, weight, or appearance of any kind and for that I'm grateful! But then I started hanging out with a group of people who knew how to dress. They NEVER made me feel like less of a person for my lack of skinny jeans and flats or cute scarves or any of it... But I started to wish that I knew how to put together an outfit like they could. More than a desire to look a certain way it was a desire for knowledge in the fashion department. So I learned. I experimented. I gave accessories a whirl and different colors and cuts and tried to start finding my own personal style instead of just picking pieces that covered me. And all my efforts at least doubled when my BF/soon-to-be-DH decided to get into the political realm and I realized that my life, and therefor my wardrobe, would be much more under the public's critical eye than my previous ranch hand laborer life had been. I started to find my niche in fashion and I liked it. Where I once hated clothes shopping I now enjoy it (in small quantities and only if successful). Yet, here I am learning about the evils of the fashion world from Jen. Yet, I know the truth of the other side of the coin as well.. that looking a certain way truly CAN give a platform from which to work to accomplish our goals.

In a perfect world, a Utopia where what we look like doesn't matter to anyone, fashion could be obsolete with no consequences. But I feel like in the real world it can't. I don't know... perhaps we need an army of brave pioneers who throw fashion out the window and staunchly face the music and do what needs done to change the norm we have now. Maybe it could actually make a difference. But I honestly don't see it. Personally, I see people throwing fashion out the window and eventually just making a new fashion. I'm looking at you, hipsters.

So... where does that leave me? Am I throwing out the premise of this chapter all together? Absolutely not. I see the premise of this chapter as being, like the premise of the book, simply fighting a consumeristic and excessive mentality. That's going to look different for you than it is for me. In fact, it will likely look different for me in 10 years than it does right now. Different people in different walks of life, different geological locations, and different callings will have different needs. There may come a day when looking put-together isn't necessary when I'm doing inner-city missions with under privileged kids and in that case I will probably need to re-evaluate my wardrobe. There may come a time when having 6 pairs of working jeans is rather ridiculous when I'm traveling with my aristocratic husband on his world-changing journeys and I have to find another pair of dress pants because I spilled coffee on my last one. But where I am right now? I know I will be culling through my clothes during month 3 because 331 items is too many for my needs and I KNOW that there are others out there who could use what I have. I will be simplifying while maintaining the 'put-togetherness' of my wardrobe. I won't be shopping just because I want to or because there's a sale. That's what I know for now... and there is still a half of a month for me to learn more. Honestly, I think I'd kind of pulled back a little psychologically  and emotionally this month because of the overwhelming amount of angles from which I was trying to analyze this month. I'm going to try to be a little more thoughtful as I finish this month up.

Closet Comparison

Today was day 1 of month 2. Once I managed to make the decision about what to put on this morning it went quite well, although I did have to wonder about my choices as the day progressed.

7 articles of clothing for an entire month... Do you have any idea how hard it was to narrow it down to 7 articles of clothing? My life isn't conducive to that size of wardrobe. I can, in a single day's time, spend hours working in the dirt, change to run errands, and then clean up to attend a reception with my husband. Throw in a workout somewhere in there and I could see multiple wardrobe changes in just one 24 hour period. Of course, I could just wash everything at the end of every day, right? The problem with that is that there's simply no way to make 7 pieces of clothing create 4 outfits with shoe changes and differing functions. So... I had to make choices on what I would be most focused on throughout this month and provide clothing for those particular activities.

The Council has decided to follow Jen's example and count 2 pairs of shoes as 1 article (yes, I know... this month we're really doing '8'...). For me, my boots and simple black flats were the obvious choices, although I desperately wanted tennis shoes as well. That's #1. My other 6 are as follows.

- Skinny Jeans... the pair that already has a slight stain and I really won't care if I stain them further
- Button-Up... purple plaid, with easy to roll up long sleeves and able to be worn tucked in or out
- Castle Ranch T... my favorite, most comfortable top
- Athletic Shorts... lightweight, comfortable, and needed for working out, relaxing, and playing volleyball
- Dress... not yet found! Looking for a lightweight but long, easy to dress up or down dress
- Black Peacoat... I hope it's never so cold I have to wear it to work in, but if one must be ruined it's this one

As this month drew close I decided I should take an account of my current clothing situation. If the purpose of '7' is to learn - to learn about the poor, to learn about myself, and to learn about and develop the connection between us - I needed to know where I stood and how we compare. My findings were... embarrassing. I'd really rather not, but I promised myself and my Council that the numbers would be made public. Everything in my closet and dresser, with the exception of socks and underwear, was counted. Everything from pants to belts, scarves to outerwear, even those formal gowns I never wear; it all went into the final tally.

331. Thus is the number of my closet. If you figure in that I spent around $5 per item that means I have over $1500 tied up in my clothing. That might seem like I'm low balling it to make myself feel better, but I promise you, that really IS about what I tend to spend on my clothes. I'm the kind of person who will put something I like back on the rack at Goodwill because it's not the half-off color of the week. BUT... shoes are in that count as well, and I tend to spend around $10-$15 on shoes. Yes, that's about 80% off of regularly priced shoes... I absolutely love RedDot Sales at the Shoe Dept! BUT again, I know that my two pairs of cowboy boots were significantly more expensive than anything else in my closet, and gowns are a bit pricier as well. All things considered, I'm estimating that there sits within my closet somewhere between $1750 and $2000. I'll say it again... that's down right embarrassing.

Now, I know that some of you really want to reach through your computer screens and give me an encouraging pat on the back and tell me that it's not that bad. Maybe you think it's silly of me to feel embarrassed about my closet when you know there are closets worth many times more. But see, that's the problem with comparison... I could very easily choose to compare my closet to the first lady's closet and feel fully justified in going on a shopping spree. I could choose to compare it to a similar closet and not deal with feelings either of deprivation or embarrassment. Or I could do as I am doing now.

I choose to compare my closet with those who don't even have one at all, much less have one full of clothes. That choice isn't based on some strange desire to try and evoke feelings of guilt. In fact, I believe that 'there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus'. Feelings of guilt and shame are feelings to be fought with the truth of God's grace whenever they raise their ugly heads! No, my choice to set my closet next to an emptier one is for no other reason than to spur me into action and restrain my hand from grasping after more. I can't really think of any other reason to go count your clothes, sum up an estimate, and put it out there for the world to see... It's certainly not an exercise to be labeled 'just-for-fun'. :)

This month is going to be interesting, for sure! I have some ideas of what I will deal with throughout the next 4 weeks, but I'm looking forward to see what unexpected issues arise as well. The Council is meeting tomorrow night to discuss the details and display our choices while we enjoy (read, gorge ourselves on!) Mexican food. I'm bringing guacamole... just because I actually do still love avocados. Surprise surprise! It will be good to see them all again, laugh over last month's stories and this month's question marks, and argue over the nitty-gritty details of what exactly constitutes as an 'article of clothing'. ;) I am so grateful for these ladies... doing this alone would have been such a different story!

Too Full of Cookies?

My emotions are mixed as I sit here trying to recap the entirety of the first month of '7'... It's hard to believe that it's over and time to move onto the next challenge. At the same time, it feels like we started the food month much more than a month ago. The excitement of being free to eat whatever I want is going up against the feeling of being overwhelmed with options. The thirst for variety is being beaten down by the new found enjoyment of simplicity. And, of course, the happiness of a tongue being tickled with explosions of flavors is fighting for superiority over a stomach that has grown accustomed to simplicity.

But more importantly than any of those things is the task of figuring out how to incorporate what I've learned into my normal, every day life. From the very beginning, I knew that the danger of this entire thing was that it become a filling-of-the-square fast; something I could add to my list of 'Christian accomplishments' but that didn't actually change my life. The last thing I want is to have something to look back on and puff myself up. A lot of good that would do me... "The Lord sets Himself against the proud, but gives grace to the humble." 

Looking back on the February fast might seem like a great way to build myself up. I mean, self-control saw an all-time high, right? Not even licking my fingers when I cooked for DH... that really took grit! But really, the thing that stands out to me about the month is all the ways I saw how weak I actually am. Because in all the tough temptations I faced and overcame I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that that was so not me. I don't do that. And in the two days that have passed since the end of the challenge I've proven it! :P I don't deny myself normally, because I don't normally have a reason. But when God is behind me... He is my strength! It begs the questions, 'What could I achieve, through His strength, in my regular, day to day life? How can I tap into that strength on a regular basis and what would He have me channel that strength to overcome or accomplish?'

There is a shared sentiment among the 'council' that we will actually miss the food fast. Some of us even woke up on March 1st and felt a certain amount of sadness that it was over. God was so very present and we saw and learned things we never expected to see and learn. Some of those were written about in a previous post, "Surprises/Lessons from the 1st Week". Others are hard to explain in a blog post... hard to even explain to each other, face-to-face. But we are all so expectant... We can't wait for this month's revelations! 

Sometimes, I find someone else's blog post and feel like they've been inside my head, stolen my thoughts, and written them down better than I could have. My mom shared just such a post with our group this morning and I would encourage all of my readers to head on over and read Ann Voskamp's take on what plagues the American Christian. She explains it so beautifully, simply, and vividly... our appetites for God are being suppressed by other things; the appetite-ruiners like those cookies our parents never let us have before the main meal. 

It's so true... but it's so exciting to see that many of us are growing tired of being too full of cookies to truly enjoy the main thing in life. It may prove difficult to refuse them. In fact, I'm absolutely sure of it. After all, one of the biggest business in America is advertisement! But if there's one thing Month 1 showed me it's that having a God-given purpose can give even the weakest of wills the strength to refuse the tastiest of morsels, whether those be for the mouth of to clothe the body.