Every once in awhile you find yourself having to eat your words (no pun intended). Usually, I'm pretty guarded about what I say with no disclaimer so I won't have to come back later and try to backtrack. There are a lot of things in life that are subject to opinion and should be stated as such, a lot of things that are facts and should be checked before claiming, and a lot of things which can be disproved with new information that need a disclaimer. Usually, if you make sure that your opinion is stated as an opinion, your facts have been checked, and you admit you don't know everything there is to know about the given topic, you're pretty safe.
But honestly... who goes to those lengths when you're writing about yourself?
Remember when I told you that I wasn't an emotional eater? Well... I take it back. New evidence has come to light that would seem to disprove that claim. As the middle of week 3 showed me, I AM an emotional eater. I just don't often get upset enough for it to shine through. But when I did, I found myself feeling this 'need' to indulge myself in flavors. Throughout the day I wanted to munch at a whole new level. My mind was unsettled and I couldn't be still, resulting in (real or imagined) hunger and cravings that outdid the ones I had felt clear back at the beginning of the month. And when DH and I stopped at BWW for supper and my dish of plain ol' 'Naked Tenders" was placed in front of me, I thought I might cry. While he half-way sympathetically smiled before digging into his gooey, saucy, juicy wings I had to force myself to simply grab a lemon out of my water and squeeze it over the top of my chicken.
It was another surprise for me; a discovery about myself. But as I sat there and bit into my 7-sanctioned meal I took a deep breath... and then another... and another... and I settled down to enjoy the evening, 'Naked Tenders' and all. Sure, I still wanted to reach over and steal a few fries from DH as I'm wont to do, and when we next go there I likely will. But to be able to have a breakthrough like that in a problem you didn't even know you had is amazing. In the space of 24 hours I learned that I was an emotional eater AND that I didn't have to be. Well done, God. No better teacher than You!
I'm so grateful for the lessons I am learning during this challenge. Some have taken me off guard; they've been totally unexpected. Others were ones I had already been contemplating before starting; they've been built upon. All of them have been valuable and I expect them to continue to do the gradual work of changing my heart, my life, and my world. Now there are only a few days left of the food month and then I will be delving into month #2. I can only imagine what is in store for me there as I face all of the same indulgent habits along with all the new facets of consumerism it brings.
But I'm getting ahead of myself... this month isn't over. Bring on the last 3 days!!!
Tuesday, February 25, 2014
Tuesday, February 18, 2014
A Long Way to Go
Sometimes, like today, it feels like I have such a very long way to go. Not in '7', not in this month of limited food options; no, in the whole heart transformation I seek.
Valentine's weekend was absolutely wonderful. Cracker Barrel for brunch... stuffed myself. Iguana Grill for supper... stuffed myself. My parent's house to celebrate my sister's birthday super... stuffed myself. I seriously loved every moment of it. Enchiladas, cheesecake, and blueberry muffins never tasted better! Did a number on my digestive tract *ahem* but it was worth it. :)
The downside has been coming off of those two glorious days and returning to my chicken, avacados, eggs, spinach, sweet potatoes, lemons, and bananas. I've had to make it through a church lunch with about 6 different dessert choices. The munchies have been my constant companion on this, an entire day at home. I want to bake something yummy to eat while I watch this movie that's playing. Or, at the very least, have some toast with my eggs! Instead, I will soon go and blend up a banana and ice smoothie to eat with a spoon and pretend it's ice cream. I've felt deprived, to put it bluntly.
To think that I felt deprived when I had plenty to eat is a disappointment. The thoughts about 'me' and what 'I' wasn't getting to eat were so numerous... and how many times a day do I cast a thought for the millions of people who won't get to eat at all? Or who dig through the trash in hopes of finding someone else's cast off? It's a saddening glimpse into my heart.
I have continued my intensive reading/studying over the past month and have so much going on in my head about the way the Christian life is supposed to look and how the church is supposed to function. Me thinks I may have been a little ambitious and taken a bigger bite than I can handle right now! Going crazy and brain dead may be in my foreseeable future. It's overwhelming to see how far we have to go. It's discouraging to have to wonder how many people would even be willing to see a change. It's confusing to not have a clue what the next step is. All in all, it's resulted in more than one afternoon of staring out the window and fighting back the flood of emotions that comes with having a million question marks and no periods.
But time in communion with my Heavenly Father has yielded at least a short-term plan for me. As I poured my heart out about my confusion and this lost, deer-in-headlights feeling I was fighting, He grounded me back in my own, personal reality. "Just stay faithful to '7'" He whispered. "I led you to it. Do that and rest in knowing that I will show you what comes next."
I am such an all-or-nothing person... When something has my attention I dream big, plan bigger, and go all in. And sometimes throwing caution to the wind and just going for it is exactly what following Jesus looks like. But other times, following Jesus looks like 3 years of talking to people who will eventually crucify you. The disciples were ready to help Jesus get His army together to plant that kingdom too... but that wasn't the first step in the journey.
One step at a time... one month at a time. Stay faithful. Trust Him to effect the change. He knows my future, the future of the church, the future of the nation. Pursue Him wholeheartedly... and let Him do HIS work.
Valentine's weekend was absolutely wonderful. Cracker Barrel for brunch... stuffed myself. Iguana Grill for supper... stuffed myself. My parent's house to celebrate my sister's birthday super... stuffed myself. I seriously loved every moment of it. Enchiladas, cheesecake, and blueberry muffins never tasted better! Did a number on my digestive tract *ahem* but it was worth it. :)
The downside has been coming off of those two glorious days and returning to my chicken, avacados, eggs, spinach, sweet potatoes, lemons, and bananas. I've had to make it through a church lunch with about 6 different dessert choices. The munchies have been my constant companion on this, an entire day at home. I want to bake something yummy to eat while I watch this movie that's playing. Or, at the very least, have some toast with my eggs! Instead, I will soon go and blend up a banana and ice smoothie to eat with a spoon and pretend it's ice cream. I've felt deprived, to put it bluntly.
To think that I felt deprived when I had plenty to eat is a disappointment. The thoughts about 'me' and what 'I' wasn't getting to eat were so numerous... and how many times a day do I cast a thought for the millions of people who won't get to eat at all? Or who dig through the trash in hopes of finding someone else's cast off? It's a saddening glimpse into my heart.
I have continued my intensive reading/studying over the past month and have so much going on in my head about the way the Christian life is supposed to look and how the church is supposed to function. Me thinks I may have been a little ambitious and taken a bigger bite than I can handle right now! Going crazy and brain dead may be in my foreseeable future. It's overwhelming to see how far we have to go. It's discouraging to have to wonder how many people would even be willing to see a change. It's confusing to not have a clue what the next step is. All in all, it's resulted in more than one afternoon of staring out the window and fighting back the flood of emotions that comes with having a million question marks and no periods.
But time in communion with my Heavenly Father has yielded at least a short-term plan for me. As I poured my heart out about my confusion and this lost, deer-in-headlights feeling I was fighting, He grounded me back in my own, personal reality. "Just stay faithful to '7'" He whispered. "I led you to it. Do that and rest in knowing that I will show you what comes next."
I am such an all-or-nothing person... When something has my attention I dream big, plan bigger, and go all in. And sometimes throwing caution to the wind and just going for it is exactly what following Jesus looks like. But other times, following Jesus looks like 3 years of talking to people who will eventually crucify you. The disciples were ready to help Jesus get His army together to plant that kingdom too... but that wasn't the first step in the journey.
One step at a time... one month at a time. Stay faithful. Trust Him to effect the change. He knows my future, the future of the church, the future of the nation. Pursue Him wholeheartedly... and let Him do HIS work.
Friday, February 7, 2014
Surprises/Lessons from the 1st Week
It's been a week already... And I can't believe I'm using the word 'already' to describe the passage of time during this month of self-denial and simplicity. But it's true. We're a quarter of the way done with the food challenge. How about a moment of dancing for joy? :)
In all honesty though, I've been genuinely surprised by a few things. Of course, the surprises are coupled with things I've learned in the process, so I must convey them by talking about the lessons themselves. Surprises are like that... the moment of shock when you walk in on a birthday party in your honor is the moment you learn that all of your friends have been scheming behind your back.
Surprise/Lesson #1 - I Cook Out of my Spice Cabinet
Do you have any idea how many times I have reached for the garlic powder or the crushed red pepper flakes? Or the vanilla? Or the oregano? Or the________...??? Salt and pepper my foot! I'm beginning to question the wisdom of my choice of lemons for flavor. I mean, they save my hide when it's salad time at lunch, but man! What I wouldn't give for some garlic! All that to say, I've come to realize that I have no appreciation for the naturally present flavors of my food. I smother it in added seasonings regularly. Now that I've had a week of eating it plain, I'm slowly recognizing that real food plain is actually quite flavorful in and of itself. A little salt can really bring it out!
Surprise/Lesson #2 - I have 'Errands' Systematically Connected to 'Food'
Seriously. Running around town tends to be a lengthy process for me and, as I mentioned in a previous post, it usually sees me stopping somewhere. Somewhere with food. And a Dr. Pepper. That being said, my last day of running errands I lived off of bananas and a hard boiled egg and didn't really get hungry. (Have I mentioned that I'm convinced my stomach is shrinking?) Wanted something, yes. But got hungry? No. And with this discovery has come another. I can actually 'make it' without stopping and buying some highly-processed, mostly-fake, fast food yumminess that is bad for me and slowly erodes away my wallet. I've thought about looking back to see how much I generally spend at fast food places in a month but the thought scared me. Plus I knew how difficult it would be to differentiate between my purchases and DH's so I decided I had learned this lesson without that information anyway so I didn't need it now.
Surprise/Lesson #3 - I am a Creature of Habit
Okay... this wasn't really a surprise or a lesson. I knew this about myself, but I rediscovered it. Maybe it's still a tad early to make this claim, but I feel like I have already formed this routine of eating. Breakfast - Eggs & Avacado Lunch - Spinach Salad Snack - Banana Supper - Sweet Potato & Chicken To be totally honest, I am falling in love with the simplicity of this reduction. Sure, I'd kick up the spice and flavor bit. But eating the same thing over and over again is so easy on the brain. AND, it makes cheat days like yesterday extra special. It was actually exciting to go to the store for ingredients and spend hours in the kitchen cooking my man's birthday supper! Of course, that could have had something to do with the fact that there is still ice and snow all around and I'm growing a deep and dark hatred for the cold and anything to do with winter... but still. It was fun!
Surpise/Lesson #4 - We Equate Social Gatherings with Food
I used to think it was a Baptist thing, that we couldn't get together without eating. Any more, I'm convinced that it's just a human thing. The council has agreed. We get together for lunch, celebrate with food, chat over coffee and doughnuts... Whenever we're invited to ANYthing social, we always ask "What should we bring?" Really, now, what would a party be without finger foods? Honestly, I don't know. It's not that I think this is a problem, per say, but you have to wonder how much more actual time we could spend together if we weren't spending our time in the kitchen.
Surprise/Lesson #5 - I Can't Explain '7' in Under 5 Minutes
No, I haven't actually timed myself... yet. But when I showed up at church on Wednesday night (Fellowship Dinner Night... Man that chili smelled good!) with my bag of groceries and began to assemble my own supper like the picky eater I've never been, of course the questions came. I was seriously wishing for my 7-Buddy Amy to be there to help me out but, alas, I had forgotten that she does Awana at another location on Wednesdays. So I was on my own to field questions to those who had never heard about it. I've tried to come up with simple one-liners to satisfy people's curiosity but so far they haven't been enough. Apparently, a 'fast from excess' doesn't compute as a good reason to pass up chili in the frozen tundra of Oklahoma for a salad, dry chicken, and a sweet potato. Usually I end up telling them about the book and suggesting they read it to find out all the cool stuff I left out. Your welcome, Jen, for the advertisement. ;)
Surprise/Lesson #6 - God is Faithful to Provide
Different levels of surprise have been reported by my faithful friends... but we all agree on the lesson. With varying depths of struggle and temptation, we have all grown stronger in this endeavor. What was once painful to see and not have (your husband's jalapeno poppers in the oven) is now a labor of love, made more sweet by the fact that it's for your loved ones entirely and you get no benefit other than knowing it is enjoyed by them. Kristi said that, in answer to her prayers, it is becoming easier to prepare meals for her family without even being tempted. And being obedient in this one challenge has served to be a reminder time after time throughout the day to be in prayer and has driven us closer to the One Who provides all of our needs and lavishes on us so many of our wants! As my mom, Michele, put it "God is faithful to walk you through what He calls you to do." If He is calling you to something... please do it! You never know who you will bless or how it will bless you.
In all honesty though, I've been genuinely surprised by a few things. Of course, the surprises are coupled with things I've learned in the process, so I must convey them by talking about the lessons themselves. Surprises are like that... the moment of shock when you walk in on a birthday party in your honor is the moment you learn that all of your friends have been scheming behind your back.
Surprise/Lesson #1 - I Cook Out of my Spice Cabinet
Do you have any idea how many times I have reached for the garlic powder or the crushed red pepper flakes? Or the vanilla? Or the oregano? Or the________...??? Salt and pepper my foot! I'm beginning to question the wisdom of my choice of lemons for flavor. I mean, they save my hide when it's salad time at lunch, but man! What I wouldn't give for some garlic! All that to say, I've come to realize that I have no appreciation for the naturally present flavors of my food. I smother it in added seasonings regularly. Now that I've had a week of eating it plain, I'm slowly recognizing that real food plain is actually quite flavorful in and of itself. A little salt can really bring it out!
Surprise/Lesson #2 - I have 'Errands' Systematically Connected to 'Food'
Seriously. Running around town tends to be a lengthy process for me and, as I mentioned in a previous post, it usually sees me stopping somewhere. Somewhere with food. And a Dr. Pepper. That being said, my last day of running errands I lived off of bananas and a hard boiled egg and didn't really get hungry. (Have I mentioned that I'm convinced my stomach is shrinking?) Wanted something, yes. But got hungry? No. And with this discovery has come another. I can actually 'make it' without stopping and buying some highly-processed, mostly-fake, fast food yumminess that is bad for me and slowly erodes away my wallet. I've thought about looking back to see how much I generally spend at fast food places in a month but the thought scared me. Plus I knew how difficult it would be to differentiate between my purchases and DH's so I decided I had learned this lesson without that information anyway so I didn't need it now.
Surprise/Lesson #3 - I am a Creature of Habit
Okay... this wasn't really a surprise or a lesson. I knew this about myself, but I rediscovered it. Maybe it's still a tad early to make this claim, but I feel like I have already formed this routine of eating. Breakfast - Eggs & Avacado Lunch - Spinach Salad Snack - Banana Supper - Sweet Potato & Chicken To be totally honest, I am falling in love with the simplicity of this reduction. Sure, I'd kick up the spice and flavor bit. But eating the same thing over and over again is so easy on the brain. AND, it makes cheat days like yesterday extra special. It was actually exciting to go to the store for ingredients and spend hours in the kitchen cooking my man's birthday supper! Of course, that could have had something to do with the fact that there is still ice and snow all around and I'm growing a deep and dark hatred for the cold and anything to do with winter... but still. It was fun!
Surpise/Lesson #4 - We Equate Social Gatherings with Food
I used to think it was a Baptist thing, that we couldn't get together without eating. Any more, I'm convinced that it's just a human thing. The council has agreed. We get together for lunch, celebrate with food, chat over coffee and doughnuts... Whenever we're invited to ANYthing social, we always ask "What should we bring?" Really, now, what would a party be without finger foods? Honestly, I don't know. It's not that I think this is a problem, per say, but you have to wonder how much more actual time we could spend together if we weren't spending our time in the kitchen.
Surprise/Lesson #5 - I Can't Explain '7' in Under 5 Minutes
No, I haven't actually timed myself... yet. But when I showed up at church on Wednesday night (Fellowship Dinner Night... Man that chili smelled good!) with my bag of groceries and began to assemble my own supper like the picky eater I've never been, of course the questions came. I was seriously wishing for my 7-Buddy Amy to be there to help me out but, alas, I had forgotten that she does Awana at another location on Wednesdays. So I was on my own to field questions to those who had never heard about it. I've tried to come up with simple one-liners to satisfy people's curiosity but so far they haven't been enough. Apparently, a 'fast from excess' doesn't compute as a good reason to pass up chili in the frozen tundra of Oklahoma for a salad, dry chicken, and a sweet potato. Usually I end up telling them about the book and suggesting they read it to find out all the cool stuff I left out. Your welcome, Jen, for the advertisement. ;)
Surprise/Lesson #6 - God is Faithful to Provide
Different levels of surprise have been reported by my faithful friends... but we all agree on the lesson. With varying depths of struggle and temptation, we have all grown stronger in this endeavor. What was once painful to see and not have (your husband's jalapeno poppers in the oven) is now a labor of love, made more sweet by the fact that it's for your loved ones entirely and you get no benefit other than knowing it is enjoyed by them. Kristi said that, in answer to her prayers, it is becoming easier to prepare meals for her family without even being tempted. And being obedient in this one challenge has served to be a reminder time after time throughout the day to be in prayer and has driven us closer to the One Who provides all of our needs and lavishes on us so many of our wants! As my mom, Michele, put it "God is faithful to walk you through what He calls you to do." If He is calling you to something... please do it! You never know who you will bless or how it will bless you.
Sunday, February 2, 2014
-------- Week 1 --------
Day 2:
Behold, my 7 chosen items. And yes, I have already wished for another option. :)
1) Eggs
2) Chicken
3) Sweet Potato
4) Spinach
5) Avacado
6) Banana
7) Lemon
We are allowed salt and pepper and a little bit of oil. We are also officially allowed to cheat on family birthdays and Valentine's Day (DH would have a cow if I told him he wasn't allowed to 'treat' me that day... aw shucks, gee, I guess you are allowed, Honey!).
Every one of us was out and about on day 1, attending some event where the yummiest of foods were available to us. My mom reported that God made temptations easy for her... I need to find out what secret line she's talking to Him on. Lunch went by okay, but by the time my craft fair was done and it was time to go home I 'needed' a Dr. Pepper. And it was Happy Hour. No, I didn't cave. I just craved. Then I went to pick up a pizza for the guys to eat while watching the basketball game and the smell was driving me crazy! So yeah... first day wasn't a piece of cake.
It probably didn't help that the craft show was (almost) a complete failure. Had it not been for the one board sold to another vendor I might have written if off entirely and sat in my little pity party. In the middle of it my DH asked how I was dealing with the disappointment and I realized how high I had set my expectations. Silly me... I thought I was firmly grounded in reality and keeping a good check on my dreams. Alas, it seems that that's simply not how I do things. Dreaming big isn't something I even knew I tended to do just a short time ago, but I can see the pattern now.
But the joy that came with selling that one board at the end of the show helped bring my resolve back to the surface. The sweet young couple who chose to put their money towards a month of orphan care were genuinely interested in the approach I was using. Yes, they liked the product... but the husband had originally stopped to check out the chart that showed what each product would provide for a needy family. It was that ability to give that grabbed his attention. It gave me hope for the world, hope for the average joe I see in my day-to-day life. And, just as DH pointed out to me that perhaps the point of this venture wasn't so much about selling granite cutting boards as it was about my willingness to do so, maybe there's another point. Maybe the goal is to wake up a sleeping giant. Maybe it's more about giving others the same vision I have than trying to end poverty on my own. To use an analogy in a book I read recently, maybe my mission is to use my water hose to wake up the sleeping firefighters instead of trying to use my trickle to put out the fire. Maybe.
Behold, my 7 chosen items. And yes, I have already wished for another option. :)
1) Eggs
2) Chicken
3) Sweet Potato
4) Spinach
5) Avacado
6) Banana
7) Lemon
We are allowed salt and pepper and a little bit of oil. We are also officially allowed to cheat on family birthdays and Valentine's Day (DH would have a cow if I told him he wasn't allowed to 'treat' me that day... aw shucks, gee, I guess you are allowed, Honey!).
Every one of us was out and about on day 1, attending some event where the yummiest of foods were available to us. My mom reported that God made temptations easy for her... I need to find out what secret line she's talking to Him on. Lunch went by okay, but by the time my craft fair was done and it was time to go home I 'needed' a Dr. Pepper. And it was Happy Hour. No, I didn't cave. I just craved. Then I went to pick up a pizza for the guys to eat while watching the basketball game and the smell was driving me crazy! So yeah... first day wasn't a piece of cake.
It probably didn't help that the craft show was (almost) a complete failure. Had it not been for the one board sold to another vendor I might have written if off entirely and sat in my little pity party. In the middle of it my DH asked how I was dealing with the disappointment and I realized how high I had set my expectations. Silly me... I thought I was firmly grounded in reality and keeping a good check on my dreams. Alas, it seems that that's simply not how I do things. Dreaming big isn't something I even knew I tended to do just a short time ago, but I can see the pattern now.
But the joy that came with selling that one board at the end of the show helped bring my resolve back to the surface. The sweet young couple who chose to put their money towards a month of orphan care were genuinely interested in the approach I was using. Yes, they liked the product... but the husband had originally stopped to check out the chart that showed what each product would provide for a needy family. It was that ability to give that grabbed his attention. It gave me hope for the world, hope for the average joe I see in my day-to-day life. And, just as DH pointed out to me that perhaps the point of this venture wasn't so much about selling granite cutting boards as it was about my willingness to do so, maybe there's another point. Maybe the goal is to wake up a sleeping giant. Maybe it's more about giving others the same vision I have than trying to end poverty on my own. To use an analogy in a book I read recently, maybe my mission is to use my water hose to wake up the sleeping firefighters instead of trying to use my trickle to put out the fire. Maybe.
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