I think I've learned something else about myself in these past two challenges that is just now registering.
I don't like writing until I have a cohesive thought with a logical conclusion on which to end.
Unfortunately, I haven't been having a lot of those recently. My thought process has been quite jumbled, and since I don't really think anyone would find it interesting to hear what I 'did' today versus what I 'thought' I end up just not writing. It's not fun to sit down and try to convey your convictions to the world when you've had little more than general convictions that have led to specific questions the answers to which you have yet to discover.
That's how I've felt lately... everything I do, every purchase I make, every plan I set in stone is suspect to my own conscience. One difficulty lies in feeling like it's a good thing to care for what I've been given (i.e. spending money at Lowe's to buy tools for upkeep and improvement) but knowing that many others are slapping mud on their walls to fill cracks. Another one is found in wanting to please and 'bless' people I love with things that involve monetary spending (i.e. buying birthday presents or spending money on doing fun things together) but mentally recognizing how much could be done with that same amount if given to a third-world family. It's probably a good thing, but I'm not necessarily liking it yet... And 'yet' is likely an unnecessary word, since I doubt that conviction is every a comfortable experience. I automatically go to the word 'balance' to give myself a goal... but at the same time I'm struggling with the idea that balance might not be a biblical principal.
So I have no answers! :) I'm still wrestling with all of this, and these first couple of weeks in Month 3 have felt like nothing more than Spring Cleaning up to this point. That is, however, about to change. In fact, the change has already started. This morning Amy and I, along with two of her girls, rode into town together (thank you, truck, for deciding not to start for me...) to drop some donations at the Hope House in Shawnee. Unfortunately, we didn't get to take a tour at the time. But the director who received our items was able to tell us a little about it and what the needs were.
The Hope House is a residential setting shelter for children in the foster care system waiting for foster homes to open up a place for them. There is a sever shortage of foster care homes in comparison to the amount of kids in the foster care needing a place to stay. So all of those kids that need a home but don't have one get to go stay in a residential center with about 10 other kids for possibly months at a time before being placed, or re-placed, in a foster or adoptive home.
In all honesty, 'stuff' was not really what they needed. Oh, there were some items that we had that he accepted. But he was glad that we had actually asked him to reject what they wouldn't use so he didn't have to sort it all and find another place to pass things too! No, what they really hurt for is people. They need personnel to work at the center while not expecting to make buckets of money (shortfalls in the state budget leads to budget cuts for them which leads to pay cuts for workers). They need people to sign up for foster care so fewer kids have to live in these homes. The need people to adopt so kids can have a forever home.
We have several other places we intend to visit this week and the entire Council is trying to find a time to join my sister's co-worker on his weekly visits to a downtown OKC bridge. It's this part of the month that I am most excited about... there is nothing emotionally moving about cleaning out my crowded cabinets and getting rid of my piles of excess. But I am anticipating a time of new growth as I get out of my comfort zone in these new places and learn about other needs... exploring the messy side of giving where you actually meet a need face-to-face, outside the walls of a clean, tidy church or organization, in the middle of another person's reality.
Monday, April 21, 2014
Tuesday, April 8, 2014
Month 3: Possessions
I just realized how poorly I kept up with posting during Month 2... and I was so on top of it in Month 1! Really though, as expected, the clothes challenge wasn't nearly as big of a deal as the food was. Apparently I care more about what I eat than what I wear. Still trying to decide if that's a good thing or not... I DID, however, notice that by the end of the month, while I was still enjoying the simplicity involved in knowing exactly what I was going to wear before going to bed each night, I was also starting to feel a little frumpy. After a month of wear mystery stains were starting to pop up on my shirt and my shoes were getting dirtier and dirtier. It didn't exactly get to my self-esteem, per say, it just had me ready for the month to end.
Yesterday was the first day of wardrobe freedom and my clothes count skyrocketed. I woke up and got into my old favorite pair of jeans (I didn't choose those because they're not fit for public wear... stains of many colors and a non-fashion-inspired hole testify to the love I have for those jeans). Slipped into a new shirt, (yes... I did the unthinkable and actually got new clothes DURING this clothes challenge... but in my defense I spent literally next to nothing on them. Thank you for that mailer, JCPenny, I absolutely love $10 off $10 or more coupons!) and back into my favorite pair of shoes. After getting home from running some errands I changed into running shorts, a tank top, and tennis shoes. Then after a run and the temperature starting to drop I switched back into jeans and changed my shoes out for boots. I told you at the beginning that this is normal for me! ;)
But all that is behind me and the daily purge of this month's challenge is before me. The title of this post was probably pretty indicative of what the focus is for the next 4 weeks.
Stuff.
We all know we have too much of it. Some of us have storage containers rented out to hold the things we can't find a place for in our homes. Others of us have out buildings of our own to store the extra in. Most of us have at least several cabinets and closets full to overflowing. Every once in awhile we will all stand in the middle of a messy house and wonder where in the world it all came from. And then, (at least if you're me) we will go hit another garage sale, just because we can or we may miss out on a great deal for something we don't really need.
This month's challenge is two-fold for me. The first is getting rid of 7 items every day for an entire month. I expect the first two weeks to be pure bliss... I really do love to get rid of stuff I don't use or really like. Just ask my dad... I don't hang on to things. Much to his chagrin, if it doesn't get used or contribute in some way to my happiness then it either goes in the trash or the Goodwill pile. Yes, even if it was, at one time, given me by a family member. Hey, what they don't know won't hurt them, right? About the only things I've held on to for sentimental reasons are correspondences and accomplishments. Letters I keep and certificates I keep. Both are small and easy to stash away. I just don't connect people or memories to inanimate objects. *shrug* So with that in mind, I'm sure I will love minimizing the stuff I've accumulated over the years and getting rid of the piles that have slowly formed.
The last two weeks, however, could get tough. Because I don't keep things, I'm expecting to run out of things that I actually WANT to get rid of before I reach the end of this month. Which leads to getting rid of things I want to keep. Which will be a sacrifice. Which is kind of what this whole season of my life is about. Which I'm still not sure I'm going to like.
Anyways...
Since the point of this isn't just to Christianize a normal spring cleaning, we're supposed to abstain from simply dumping our rejects at the back door of the local thrift store where people like me go looking for a good deal. This is where the challenge and the beauty meet... We are challenged to actually find people who need these things we have to give and bless them, face-to-face. Passing it off to friends isn't acceptable. As Jen puts it, we need to stop focusing on blessing the blessed. Why give our stuff to people who already have too much stuff? No, that 2-piece business suit that I just put into my pile might fit my friend perfectly... but that girl in frumpy sweats and t-shirt on the side of the road with a cardboard sign? A good business suit might be exactly what she needs to be presentable enough to go have that job interview. Those shoes in my pile might look cute on my sister, or mom, or neighbor... but that barefoot woman walking back to her children under the bridge just passed her shoes off to her oldest daughter because hers finally fell apart. She is the one who truly needs them.
Over the next few days I am going to be looking into how we can best contact the people who truly need what we will all be getting rid of this month. I'm excited and daunted by the task ahead of us... I expect this month could be one of the most life changing ones in the whole series, simply because it will, Lord willing, put us in the presence of those with the greatest of needs. May the Lord use us in ways we aren't even imagining right now and open up a whole new world in the process!
Friday, March 21, 2014
Two Sides to Every Coin
What an overdue time of sitting down and writing... and I'm doing it in unsanctioned clothes as my DH whisks me off on a spontaneous adventure during which he has claimed the right to dictate what I wear. I haven't counted yet, but I think I have about 3 or 4 separate outfits for this little excursion, including high heels and a dress I consider to fall under the 'fancy' label. I'm thankful that I truly had no angst over agreeing to his heist of my project and my cohorts have been nothing but supportive of my embracing this opportunity. As my mom said, God does give us our husbands for balance!
With the realization that we are closing in on the halfway mark of this challenge comes the realization that it has been much, MUCH easier than the food month! The only real challenge comes with making sure I have clothes that are at least halfway clean when I need to leave the house. So far, the dress I picked out as my 7th item has been a lifesaver on that head. I wear it so infrequently that it's never dirty! The other problem I've faced is the shoe issue... I almost had a meltdown the other day when I stepped in the pottery clay that passes as dirt in our yard when I had on my flats. I mean, seriously... It was a Monday and had been a Monday in every sense of the term. Being a tad sleep deprived probably wasn't helping any. At the very least, I'm sure I got a glimpse into what it must feel like for that poor friend I'm trying to identify with to get the first stain/first rip/etc on their ONE nice thing. I ran inside and got the wet rag and stood over the trash can trying to restore them to their previous shiny state and still get out the door on schedule, slipping into my boots and carrying them to the car this time.
That evening I had a nice birthday supper with my sister-in-laws and got to catch up over some fresh Mediterranean food. As we laughed and groaned over each other's past few months I found myself asked once more what I was learning through this whole thing. It was easy to sum up the first month, but I found myself struggling at first to find some good, solid points that had come up in this one. Of course there was the obvious, "I found out I have too much stuff in my closet", but this month feels so much more complicated for some reason.
On the first day of this challenge I found myself working on something in the living room and, as I am wont to do, I had What Not To Wear playing in the background. Please, don't roll your eyes. I know reality tv is cheesy, but I actually liked that show one upon a time. It's gotten old, the timeline is precisely the same every single episode, and I have the rules memorized. But you have to understand that when I first got married I knew next to nothing about fashion and I learned a lot from Stacy and Clinton! So I guess you could say that there's a special place in my heart for that show. ;) But this episode was interesting in a new way because of the subject's story and how she ended up where she was.
Since I can't remember her name, I'll just call her Laura. Laura was a woman of about 30 and she got ambushed wearing baggy khaki slacks, a turtleneck sweater, and a misfitted, also khaki colored jacket. She was a business woman and her family, co-workers, and even boss were in on getting her nominated for the show. They had known her long enough to know her heart, her work ethic, and her passion for life. Their concern, as always, was that her lack of effort in the clothing department was holding her back in life and work. She jumped on the opportunity to go shopping, but soon became slightly more resistant as she went through the process of being lambasted for her wardrobe and chided for not putting forth more effort into her appearance. That's when we hear her back story.
It turns out that she was once an extremely stylish young lady. She actually said that she was a little too obsessed with fashion and fixated on her appearance to an extreme. But then she faced a life changing experience... she got caught in the crossfire of the genocide in Uganda. When she made it out alive the memories of what she had seen and experienced made all her fashionable clothes look pathetically frivolous in comparison. She started wearing whatever she had and never wasted money on her looks. Her priorities saw a 180... and it got her nominated for What Not To Wear. In two days time she spent over $6000 on a new wardrobe for herself. Throughout the shopping she struggled with the knowledge that she was spending so much. Stacy and Clinton argued that these clothes would help her affect the change she wanted to by making her more approachable and look as reputable as she actually was. She started to dust off her habits of dressing well and rediscovered the joy she found in feeling put together. Then she felt terrible when she thought of the genocide and how frivolous it all was. And she tried to find balance...
I sat there watching this unfold and felt the same tension I'm sure she was feeling because I understand both sides of the issue. I grew up caring very little about my appearance. My parents did an excellent job of making sure that their children's worth was not tied up in clothing, weight, or appearance of any kind and for that I'm grateful! But then I started hanging out with a group of people who knew how to dress. They NEVER made me feel like less of a person for my lack of skinny jeans and flats or cute scarves or any of it... But I started to wish that I knew how to put together an outfit like they could. More than a desire to look a certain way it was a desire for knowledge in the fashion department. So I learned. I experimented. I gave accessories a whirl and different colors and cuts and tried to start finding my own personal style instead of just picking pieces that covered me. And all my efforts at least doubled when my BF/soon-to-be-DH decided to get into the political realm and I realized that my life, and therefor my wardrobe, would be much more under the public's critical eye than my previous ranch hand laborer life had been. I started to find my niche in fashion and I liked it. Where I once hated clothes shopping I now enjoy it (in small quantities and only if successful). Yet, here I am learning about the evils of the fashion world from Jen. Yet, I know the truth of the other side of the coin as well.. that looking a certain way truly CAN give a platform from which to work to accomplish our goals.
In a perfect world, a Utopia where what we look like doesn't matter to anyone, fashion could be obsolete with no consequences. But I feel like in the real world it can't. I don't know... perhaps we need an army of brave pioneers who throw fashion out the window and staunchly face the music and do what needs done to change the norm we have now. Maybe it could actually make a difference. But I honestly don't see it. Personally, I see people throwing fashion out the window and eventually just making a new fashion. I'm looking at you, hipsters.
So... where does that leave me? Am I throwing out the premise of this chapter all together? Absolutely not. I see the premise of this chapter as being, like the premise of the book, simply fighting a consumeristic and excessive mentality. That's going to look different for you than it is for me. In fact, it will likely look different for me in 10 years than it does right now. Different people in different walks of life, different geological locations, and different callings will have different needs. There may come a day when looking put-together isn't necessary when I'm doing inner-city missions with under privileged kids and in that case I will probably need to re-evaluate my wardrobe. There may come a time when having 6 pairs of working jeans is rather ridiculous when I'm traveling with my aristocratic husband on his world-changing journeys and I have to find another pair of dress pants because I spilled coffee on my last one. But where I am right now? I know I will be culling through my clothes during month 3 because 331 items is too many for my needs and I KNOW that there are others out there who could use what I have. I will be simplifying while maintaining the 'put-togetherness' of my wardrobe. I won't be shopping just because I want to or because there's a sale. That's what I know for now... and there is still a half of a month for me to learn more. Honestly, I think I'd kind of pulled back a little psychologically and emotionally this month because of the overwhelming amount of angles from which I was trying to analyze this month. I'm going to try to be a little more thoughtful as I finish this month up.
With the realization that we are closing in on the halfway mark of this challenge comes the realization that it has been much, MUCH easier than the food month! The only real challenge comes with making sure I have clothes that are at least halfway clean when I need to leave the house. So far, the dress I picked out as my 7th item has been a lifesaver on that head. I wear it so infrequently that it's never dirty! The other problem I've faced is the shoe issue... I almost had a meltdown the other day when I stepped in the pottery clay that passes as dirt in our yard when I had on my flats. I mean, seriously... It was a Monday and had been a Monday in every sense of the term. Being a tad sleep deprived probably wasn't helping any. At the very least, I'm sure I got a glimpse into what it must feel like for that poor friend I'm trying to identify with to get the first stain/first rip/etc on their ONE nice thing. I ran inside and got the wet rag and stood over the trash can trying to restore them to their previous shiny state and still get out the door on schedule, slipping into my boots and carrying them to the car this time.
That evening I had a nice birthday supper with my sister-in-laws and got to catch up over some fresh Mediterranean food. As we laughed and groaned over each other's past few months I found myself asked once more what I was learning through this whole thing. It was easy to sum up the first month, but I found myself struggling at first to find some good, solid points that had come up in this one. Of course there was the obvious, "I found out I have too much stuff in my closet", but this month feels so much more complicated for some reason.
On the first day of this challenge I found myself working on something in the living room and, as I am wont to do, I had What Not To Wear playing in the background. Please, don't roll your eyes. I know reality tv is cheesy, but I actually liked that show one upon a time. It's gotten old, the timeline is precisely the same every single episode, and I have the rules memorized. But you have to understand that when I first got married I knew next to nothing about fashion and I learned a lot from Stacy and Clinton! So I guess you could say that there's a special place in my heart for that show. ;) But this episode was interesting in a new way because of the subject's story and how she ended up where she was.
Since I can't remember her name, I'll just call her Laura. Laura was a woman of about 30 and she got ambushed wearing baggy khaki slacks, a turtleneck sweater, and a misfitted, also khaki colored jacket. She was a business woman and her family, co-workers, and even boss were in on getting her nominated for the show. They had known her long enough to know her heart, her work ethic, and her passion for life. Their concern, as always, was that her lack of effort in the clothing department was holding her back in life and work. She jumped on the opportunity to go shopping, but soon became slightly more resistant as she went through the process of being lambasted for her wardrobe and chided for not putting forth more effort into her appearance. That's when we hear her back story.
It turns out that she was once an extremely stylish young lady. She actually said that she was a little too obsessed with fashion and fixated on her appearance to an extreme. But then she faced a life changing experience... she got caught in the crossfire of the genocide in Uganda. When she made it out alive the memories of what she had seen and experienced made all her fashionable clothes look pathetically frivolous in comparison. She started wearing whatever she had and never wasted money on her looks. Her priorities saw a 180... and it got her nominated for What Not To Wear. In two days time she spent over $6000 on a new wardrobe for herself. Throughout the shopping she struggled with the knowledge that she was spending so much. Stacy and Clinton argued that these clothes would help her affect the change she wanted to by making her more approachable and look as reputable as she actually was. She started to dust off her habits of dressing well and rediscovered the joy she found in feeling put together. Then she felt terrible when she thought of the genocide and how frivolous it all was. And she tried to find balance...
I sat there watching this unfold and felt the same tension I'm sure she was feeling because I understand both sides of the issue. I grew up caring very little about my appearance. My parents did an excellent job of making sure that their children's worth was not tied up in clothing, weight, or appearance of any kind and for that I'm grateful! But then I started hanging out with a group of people who knew how to dress. They NEVER made me feel like less of a person for my lack of skinny jeans and flats or cute scarves or any of it... But I started to wish that I knew how to put together an outfit like they could. More than a desire to look a certain way it was a desire for knowledge in the fashion department. So I learned. I experimented. I gave accessories a whirl and different colors and cuts and tried to start finding my own personal style instead of just picking pieces that covered me. And all my efforts at least doubled when my BF/soon-to-be-DH decided to get into the political realm and I realized that my life, and therefor my wardrobe, would be much more under the public's critical eye than my previous ranch hand laborer life had been. I started to find my niche in fashion and I liked it. Where I once hated clothes shopping I now enjoy it (in small quantities and only if successful). Yet, here I am learning about the evils of the fashion world from Jen. Yet, I know the truth of the other side of the coin as well.. that looking a certain way truly CAN give a platform from which to work to accomplish our goals.
In a perfect world, a Utopia where what we look like doesn't matter to anyone, fashion could be obsolete with no consequences. But I feel like in the real world it can't. I don't know... perhaps we need an army of brave pioneers who throw fashion out the window and staunchly face the music and do what needs done to change the norm we have now. Maybe it could actually make a difference. But I honestly don't see it. Personally, I see people throwing fashion out the window and eventually just making a new fashion. I'm looking at you, hipsters.
So... where does that leave me? Am I throwing out the premise of this chapter all together? Absolutely not. I see the premise of this chapter as being, like the premise of the book, simply fighting a consumeristic and excessive mentality. That's going to look different for you than it is for me. In fact, it will likely look different for me in 10 years than it does right now. Different people in different walks of life, different geological locations, and different callings will have different needs. There may come a day when looking put-together isn't necessary when I'm doing inner-city missions with under privileged kids and in that case I will probably need to re-evaluate my wardrobe. There may come a time when having 6 pairs of working jeans is rather ridiculous when I'm traveling with my aristocratic husband on his world-changing journeys and I have to find another pair of dress pants because I spilled coffee on my last one. But where I am right now? I know I will be culling through my clothes during month 3 because 331 items is too many for my needs and I KNOW that there are others out there who could use what I have. I will be simplifying while maintaining the 'put-togetherness' of my wardrobe. I won't be shopping just because I want to or because there's a sale. That's what I know for now... and there is still a half of a month for me to learn more. Honestly, I think I'd kind of pulled back a little psychologically and emotionally this month because of the overwhelming amount of angles from which I was trying to analyze this month. I'm going to try to be a little more thoughtful as I finish this month up.
Monday, March 10, 2014
Closet Comparison
Today was day 1 of month 2. Once I managed to make the decision about what to put on this morning it went quite well, although I did have to wonder about my choices as the day progressed.
7 articles of clothing for an entire month... Do you have any idea how hard it was to narrow it down to 7 articles of clothing? My life isn't conducive to that size of wardrobe. I can, in a single day's time, spend hours working in the dirt, change to run errands, and then clean up to attend a reception with my husband. Throw in a workout somewhere in there and I could see multiple wardrobe changes in just one 24 hour period. Of course, I could just wash everything at the end of every day, right? The problem with that is that there's simply no way to make 7 pieces of clothing create 4 outfits with shoe changes and differing functions. So... I had to make choices on what I would be most focused on throughout this month and provide clothing for those particular activities.
The Council has decided to follow Jen's example and count 2 pairs of shoes as 1 article (yes, I know... this month we're really doing '8'...). For me, my boots and simple black flats were the obvious choices, although I desperately wanted tennis shoes as well. That's #1. My other 6 are as follows.
- Skinny Jeans... the pair that already has a slight stain and I really won't care if I stain them further
- Button-Up... purple plaid, with easy to roll up long sleeves and able to be worn tucked in or out
- Castle Ranch T... my favorite, most comfortable top
- Athletic Shorts... lightweight, comfortable, and needed for working out, relaxing, and playing volleyball
- Dress... not yet found! Looking for a lightweight but long, easy to dress up or down dress
- Black Peacoat... I hope it's never so cold I have to wear it to work in, but if one must be ruined it's this one
As this month drew close I decided I should take an account of my current clothing situation. If the purpose of '7' is to learn - to learn about the poor, to learn about myself, and to learn about and develop the connection between us - I needed to know where I stood and how we compare. My findings were... embarrassing. I'd really rather not, but I promised myself and my Council that the numbers would be made public. Everything in my closet and dresser, with the exception of socks and underwear, was counted. Everything from pants to belts, scarves to outerwear, even those formal gowns I never wear; it all went into the final tally.
331. Thus is the number of my closet. If you figure in that I spent around $5 per item that means I have over $1500 tied up in my clothing. That might seem like I'm low balling it to make myself feel better, but I promise you, that really IS about what I tend to spend on my clothes. I'm the kind of person who will put something I like back on the rack at Goodwill because it's not the half-off color of the week. BUT... shoes are in that count as well, and I tend to spend around $10-$15 on shoes. Yes, that's about 80% off of regularly priced shoes... I absolutely love RedDot Sales at the Shoe Dept! BUT again, I know that my two pairs of cowboy boots were significantly more expensive than anything else in my closet, and gowns are a bit pricier as well. All things considered, I'm estimating that there sits within my closet somewhere between $1750 and $2000. I'll say it again... that's down right embarrassing.
Now, I know that some of you really want to reach through your computer screens and give me an encouraging pat on the back and tell me that it's not that bad. Maybe you think it's silly of me to feel embarrassed about my closet when you know there are closets worth many times more. But see, that's the problem with comparison... I could very easily choose to compare my closet to the first lady's closet and feel fully justified in going on a shopping spree. I could choose to compare it to a similar closet and not deal with feelings either of deprivation or embarrassment. Or I could do as I am doing now.
I choose to compare my closet with those who don't even have one at all, much less have one full of clothes. That choice isn't based on some strange desire to try and evoke feelings of guilt. In fact, I believe that 'there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus'. Feelings of guilt and shame are feelings to be fought with the truth of God's grace whenever they raise their ugly heads! No, my choice to set my closet next to an emptier one is for no other reason than to spur me into action and restrain my hand from grasping after more. I can't really think of any other reason to go count your clothes, sum up an estimate, and put it out there for the world to see... It's certainly not an exercise to be labeled 'just-for-fun'. :)
This month is going to be interesting, for sure! I have some ideas of what I will deal with throughout the next 4 weeks, but I'm looking forward to see what unexpected issues arise as well. The Council is meeting tomorrow night to discuss the details and display our choices while we enjoy (read, gorge ourselves on!) Mexican food. I'm bringing guacamole... just because I actually do still love avocados. Surprise surprise! It will be good to see them all again, laugh over last month's stories and this month's question marks, and argue over the nitty-gritty details of what exactly constitutes as an 'article of clothing'. ;) I am so grateful for these ladies... doing this alone would have been such a different story!
7 articles of clothing for an entire month... Do you have any idea how hard it was to narrow it down to 7 articles of clothing? My life isn't conducive to that size of wardrobe. I can, in a single day's time, spend hours working in the dirt, change to run errands, and then clean up to attend a reception with my husband. Throw in a workout somewhere in there and I could see multiple wardrobe changes in just one 24 hour period. Of course, I could just wash everything at the end of every day, right? The problem with that is that there's simply no way to make 7 pieces of clothing create 4 outfits with shoe changes and differing functions. So... I had to make choices on what I would be most focused on throughout this month and provide clothing for those particular activities.
The Council has decided to follow Jen's example and count 2 pairs of shoes as 1 article (yes, I know... this month we're really doing '8'...). For me, my boots and simple black flats were the obvious choices, although I desperately wanted tennis shoes as well. That's #1. My other 6 are as follows.
- Skinny Jeans... the pair that already has a slight stain and I really won't care if I stain them further
- Button-Up... purple plaid, with easy to roll up long sleeves and able to be worn tucked in or out
- Castle Ranch T... my favorite, most comfortable top
- Athletic Shorts... lightweight, comfortable, and needed for working out, relaxing, and playing volleyball
- Dress... not yet found! Looking for a lightweight but long, easy to dress up or down dress
- Black Peacoat... I hope it's never so cold I have to wear it to work in, but if one must be ruined it's this one
As this month drew close I decided I should take an account of my current clothing situation. If the purpose of '7' is to learn - to learn about the poor, to learn about myself, and to learn about and develop the connection between us - I needed to know where I stood and how we compare. My findings were... embarrassing. I'd really rather not, but I promised myself and my Council that the numbers would be made public. Everything in my closet and dresser, with the exception of socks and underwear, was counted. Everything from pants to belts, scarves to outerwear, even those formal gowns I never wear; it all went into the final tally.
331. Thus is the number of my closet. If you figure in that I spent around $5 per item that means I have over $1500 tied up in my clothing. That might seem like I'm low balling it to make myself feel better, but I promise you, that really IS about what I tend to spend on my clothes. I'm the kind of person who will put something I like back on the rack at Goodwill because it's not the half-off color of the week. BUT... shoes are in that count as well, and I tend to spend around $10-$15 on shoes. Yes, that's about 80% off of regularly priced shoes... I absolutely love RedDot Sales at the Shoe Dept! BUT again, I know that my two pairs of cowboy boots were significantly more expensive than anything else in my closet, and gowns are a bit pricier as well. All things considered, I'm estimating that there sits within my closet somewhere between $1750 and $2000. I'll say it again... that's down right embarrassing.
Now, I know that some of you really want to reach through your computer screens and give me an encouraging pat on the back and tell me that it's not that bad. Maybe you think it's silly of me to feel embarrassed about my closet when you know there are closets worth many times more. But see, that's the problem with comparison... I could very easily choose to compare my closet to the first lady's closet and feel fully justified in going on a shopping spree. I could choose to compare it to a similar closet and not deal with feelings either of deprivation or embarrassment. Or I could do as I am doing now.
I choose to compare my closet with those who don't even have one at all, much less have one full of clothes. That choice isn't based on some strange desire to try and evoke feelings of guilt. In fact, I believe that 'there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus'. Feelings of guilt and shame are feelings to be fought with the truth of God's grace whenever they raise their ugly heads! No, my choice to set my closet next to an emptier one is for no other reason than to spur me into action and restrain my hand from grasping after more. I can't really think of any other reason to go count your clothes, sum up an estimate, and put it out there for the world to see... It's certainly not an exercise to be labeled 'just-for-fun'. :)
This month is going to be interesting, for sure! I have some ideas of what I will deal with throughout the next 4 weeks, but I'm looking forward to see what unexpected issues arise as well. The Council is meeting tomorrow night to discuss the details and display our choices while we enjoy (read, gorge ourselves on!) Mexican food. I'm bringing guacamole... just because I actually do still love avocados. Surprise surprise! It will be good to see them all again, laugh over last month's stories and this month's question marks, and argue over the nitty-gritty details of what exactly constitutes as an 'article of clothing'. ;) I am so grateful for these ladies... doing this alone would have been such a different story!
Sunday, March 2, 2014
Too Full of Cookies?
My emotions are mixed as I sit here trying to recap the entirety of the first month of '7'... It's hard to believe that it's over and time to move onto the next challenge. At the same time, it feels like we started the food month much more than a month ago. The excitement of being free to eat whatever I want is going up against the feeling of being overwhelmed with options. The thirst for variety is being beaten down by the new found enjoyment of simplicity. And, of course, the happiness of a tongue being tickled with explosions of flavors is fighting for superiority over a stomach that has grown accustomed to simplicity.
But more importantly than any of those things is the task of figuring out how to incorporate what I've learned into my normal, every day life. From the very beginning, I knew that the danger of this entire thing was that it become a filling-of-the-square fast; something I could add to my list of 'Christian accomplishments' but that didn't actually change my life. The last thing I want is to have something to look back on and puff myself up. A lot of good that would do me... "The Lord sets Himself against the proud, but gives grace to the humble."
Looking back on the February fast might seem like a great way to build myself up. I mean, self-control saw an all-time high, right? Not even licking my fingers when I cooked for DH... that really took grit! But really, the thing that stands out to me about the month is all the ways I saw how weak I actually am. Because in all the tough temptations I faced and overcame I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that that was so not me. I don't do that. And in the two days that have passed since the end of the challenge I've proven it! :P I don't deny myself normally, because I don't normally have a reason. But when God is behind me... He is my strength! It begs the questions, 'What could I achieve, through His strength, in my regular, day to day life? How can I tap into that strength on a regular basis and what would He have me channel that strength to overcome or accomplish?'
There is a shared sentiment among the 'council' that we will actually miss the food fast. Some of us even woke up on March 1st and felt a certain amount of sadness that it was over. God was so very present and we saw and learned things we never expected to see and learn. Some of those were written about in a previous post, "Surprises/Lessons from the 1st Week". Others are hard to explain in a blog post... hard to even explain to each other, face-to-face. But we are all so expectant... We can't wait for this month's revelations!
Sometimes, I find someone else's blog post and feel like they've been inside my head, stolen my thoughts, and written them down better than I could have. My mom shared just such a post with our group this morning and I would encourage all of my readers to head on over and read Ann Voskamp's take on what plagues the American Christian. She explains it so beautifully, simply, and vividly... our appetites for God are being suppressed by other things; the appetite-ruiners like those cookies our parents never let us have before the main meal.
It's so true... but it's so exciting to see that many of us are growing tired of being too full of cookies to truly enjoy the main thing in life. It may prove difficult to refuse them. In fact, I'm absolutely sure of it. After all, one of the biggest business in America is advertisement! But if there's one thing Month 1 showed me it's that having a God-given purpose can give even the weakest of wills the strength to refuse the tastiest of morsels, whether those be for the mouth of to clothe the body.
Tuesday, February 25, 2014
Eating Words
Every once in awhile you find yourself having to eat your words (no pun intended). Usually, I'm pretty guarded about what I say with no disclaimer so I won't have to come back later and try to backtrack. There are a lot of things in life that are subject to opinion and should be stated as such, a lot of things that are facts and should be checked before claiming, and a lot of things which can be disproved with new information that need a disclaimer. Usually, if you make sure that your opinion is stated as an opinion, your facts have been checked, and you admit you don't know everything there is to know about the given topic, you're pretty safe.
But honestly... who goes to those lengths when you're writing about yourself?
Remember when I told you that I wasn't an emotional eater? Well... I take it back. New evidence has come to light that would seem to disprove that claim. As the middle of week 3 showed me, I AM an emotional eater. I just don't often get upset enough for it to shine through. But when I did, I found myself feeling this 'need' to indulge myself in flavors. Throughout the day I wanted to munch at a whole new level. My mind was unsettled and I couldn't be still, resulting in (real or imagined) hunger and cravings that outdid the ones I had felt clear back at the beginning of the month. And when DH and I stopped at BWW for supper and my dish of plain ol' 'Naked Tenders" was placed in front of me, I thought I might cry. While he half-way sympathetically smiled before digging into his gooey, saucy, juicy wings I had to force myself to simply grab a lemon out of my water and squeeze it over the top of my chicken.
It was another surprise for me; a discovery about myself. But as I sat there and bit into my 7-sanctioned meal I took a deep breath... and then another... and another... and I settled down to enjoy the evening, 'Naked Tenders' and all. Sure, I still wanted to reach over and steal a few fries from DH as I'm wont to do, and when we next go there I likely will. But to be able to have a breakthrough like that in a problem you didn't even know you had is amazing. In the space of 24 hours I learned that I was an emotional eater AND that I didn't have to be. Well done, God. No better teacher than You!
I'm so grateful for the lessons I am learning during this challenge. Some have taken me off guard; they've been totally unexpected. Others were ones I had already been contemplating before starting; they've been built upon. All of them have been valuable and I expect them to continue to do the gradual work of changing my heart, my life, and my world. Now there are only a few days left of the food month and then I will be delving into month #2. I can only imagine what is in store for me there as I face all of the same indulgent habits along with all the new facets of consumerism it brings.
But I'm getting ahead of myself... this month isn't over. Bring on the last 3 days!!!
But honestly... who goes to those lengths when you're writing about yourself?
Remember when I told you that I wasn't an emotional eater? Well... I take it back. New evidence has come to light that would seem to disprove that claim. As the middle of week 3 showed me, I AM an emotional eater. I just don't often get upset enough for it to shine through. But when I did, I found myself feeling this 'need' to indulge myself in flavors. Throughout the day I wanted to munch at a whole new level. My mind was unsettled and I couldn't be still, resulting in (real or imagined) hunger and cravings that outdid the ones I had felt clear back at the beginning of the month. And when DH and I stopped at BWW for supper and my dish of plain ol' 'Naked Tenders" was placed in front of me, I thought I might cry. While he half-way sympathetically smiled before digging into his gooey, saucy, juicy wings I had to force myself to simply grab a lemon out of my water and squeeze it over the top of my chicken.
It was another surprise for me; a discovery about myself. But as I sat there and bit into my 7-sanctioned meal I took a deep breath... and then another... and another... and I settled down to enjoy the evening, 'Naked Tenders' and all. Sure, I still wanted to reach over and steal a few fries from DH as I'm wont to do, and when we next go there I likely will. But to be able to have a breakthrough like that in a problem you didn't even know you had is amazing. In the space of 24 hours I learned that I was an emotional eater AND that I didn't have to be. Well done, God. No better teacher than You!
I'm so grateful for the lessons I am learning during this challenge. Some have taken me off guard; they've been totally unexpected. Others were ones I had already been contemplating before starting; they've been built upon. All of them have been valuable and I expect them to continue to do the gradual work of changing my heart, my life, and my world. Now there are only a few days left of the food month and then I will be delving into month #2. I can only imagine what is in store for me there as I face all of the same indulgent habits along with all the new facets of consumerism it brings.
But I'm getting ahead of myself... this month isn't over. Bring on the last 3 days!!!
Tuesday, February 18, 2014
A Long Way to Go
Sometimes, like today, it feels like I have such a very long way to go. Not in '7', not in this month of limited food options; no, in the whole heart transformation I seek.
Valentine's weekend was absolutely wonderful. Cracker Barrel for brunch... stuffed myself. Iguana Grill for supper... stuffed myself. My parent's house to celebrate my sister's birthday super... stuffed myself. I seriously loved every moment of it. Enchiladas, cheesecake, and blueberry muffins never tasted better! Did a number on my digestive tract *ahem* but it was worth it. :)
The downside has been coming off of those two glorious days and returning to my chicken, avacados, eggs, spinach, sweet potatoes, lemons, and bananas. I've had to make it through a church lunch with about 6 different dessert choices. The munchies have been my constant companion on this, an entire day at home. I want to bake something yummy to eat while I watch this movie that's playing. Or, at the very least, have some toast with my eggs! Instead, I will soon go and blend up a banana and ice smoothie to eat with a spoon and pretend it's ice cream. I've felt deprived, to put it bluntly.
To think that I felt deprived when I had plenty to eat is a disappointment. The thoughts about 'me' and what 'I' wasn't getting to eat were so numerous... and how many times a day do I cast a thought for the millions of people who won't get to eat at all? Or who dig through the trash in hopes of finding someone else's cast off? It's a saddening glimpse into my heart.
I have continued my intensive reading/studying over the past month and have so much going on in my head about the way the Christian life is supposed to look and how the church is supposed to function. Me thinks I may have been a little ambitious and taken a bigger bite than I can handle right now! Going crazy and brain dead may be in my foreseeable future. It's overwhelming to see how far we have to go. It's discouraging to have to wonder how many people would even be willing to see a change. It's confusing to not have a clue what the next step is. All in all, it's resulted in more than one afternoon of staring out the window and fighting back the flood of emotions that comes with having a million question marks and no periods.
But time in communion with my Heavenly Father has yielded at least a short-term plan for me. As I poured my heart out about my confusion and this lost, deer-in-headlights feeling I was fighting, He grounded me back in my own, personal reality. "Just stay faithful to '7'" He whispered. "I led you to it. Do that and rest in knowing that I will show you what comes next."
I am such an all-or-nothing person... When something has my attention I dream big, plan bigger, and go all in. And sometimes throwing caution to the wind and just going for it is exactly what following Jesus looks like. But other times, following Jesus looks like 3 years of talking to people who will eventually crucify you. The disciples were ready to help Jesus get His army together to plant that kingdom too... but that wasn't the first step in the journey.
One step at a time... one month at a time. Stay faithful. Trust Him to effect the change. He knows my future, the future of the church, the future of the nation. Pursue Him wholeheartedly... and let Him do HIS work.
Valentine's weekend was absolutely wonderful. Cracker Barrel for brunch... stuffed myself. Iguana Grill for supper... stuffed myself. My parent's house to celebrate my sister's birthday super... stuffed myself. I seriously loved every moment of it. Enchiladas, cheesecake, and blueberry muffins never tasted better! Did a number on my digestive tract *ahem* but it was worth it. :)
The downside has been coming off of those two glorious days and returning to my chicken, avacados, eggs, spinach, sweet potatoes, lemons, and bananas. I've had to make it through a church lunch with about 6 different dessert choices. The munchies have been my constant companion on this, an entire day at home. I want to bake something yummy to eat while I watch this movie that's playing. Or, at the very least, have some toast with my eggs! Instead, I will soon go and blend up a banana and ice smoothie to eat with a spoon and pretend it's ice cream. I've felt deprived, to put it bluntly.
To think that I felt deprived when I had plenty to eat is a disappointment. The thoughts about 'me' and what 'I' wasn't getting to eat were so numerous... and how many times a day do I cast a thought for the millions of people who won't get to eat at all? Or who dig through the trash in hopes of finding someone else's cast off? It's a saddening glimpse into my heart.
I have continued my intensive reading/studying over the past month and have so much going on in my head about the way the Christian life is supposed to look and how the church is supposed to function. Me thinks I may have been a little ambitious and taken a bigger bite than I can handle right now! Going crazy and brain dead may be in my foreseeable future. It's overwhelming to see how far we have to go. It's discouraging to have to wonder how many people would even be willing to see a change. It's confusing to not have a clue what the next step is. All in all, it's resulted in more than one afternoon of staring out the window and fighting back the flood of emotions that comes with having a million question marks and no periods.
But time in communion with my Heavenly Father has yielded at least a short-term plan for me. As I poured my heart out about my confusion and this lost, deer-in-headlights feeling I was fighting, He grounded me back in my own, personal reality. "Just stay faithful to '7'" He whispered. "I led you to it. Do that and rest in knowing that I will show you what comes next."
I am such an all-or-nothing person... When something has my attention I dream big, plan bigger, and go all in. And sometimes throwing caution to the wind and just going for it is exactly what following Jesus looks like. But other times, following Jesus looks like 3 years of talking to people who will eventually crucify you. The disciples were ready to help Jesus get His army together to plant that kingdom too... but that wasn't the first step in the journey.
One step at a time... one month at a time. Stay faithful. Trust Him to effect the change. He knows my future, the future of the church, the future of the nation. Pursue Him wholeheartedly... and let Him do HIS work.
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