A Long Way to Go

Sometimes, like today, it feels like I have such a very long way to go. Not in '7', not in this month of limited food options; no, in the whole heart transformation I seek.

Valentine's weekend was absolutely wonderful. Cracker Barrel for brunch... stuffed myself. Iguana Grill for supper... stuffed myself. My parent's house to celebrate my sister's birthday super... stuffed myself. I seriously loved every moment of it. Enchiladas, cheesecake, and blueberry muffins never tasted better! Did a number on my digestive tract *ahem* but it was worth it. :)

The downside has been coming off of those two glorious days and returning to my chicken, avacados, eggs, spinach, sweet potatoes, lemons, and bananas. I've had to make it through a church lunch with about 6 different dessert choices. The munchies have been my constant companion on this, an entire day at home. I want to bake something yummy to eat while I watch this movie that's playing. Or, at the very least, have some toast with my eggs!  Instead, I will soon go and blend up a banana and ice smoothie to eat with a spoon and pretend it's ice cream. I've felt deprived, to put it bluntly.

To think that I felt deprived when I had plenty to eat is a disappointment. The thoughts about 'me' and what 'I' wasn't getting to eat were so numerous... and how many times a day do I cast a thought for the millions of people who won't get to eat at all? Or who dig through the trash in hopes of finding someone else's cast off? It's a saddening glimpse into my heart.

I have continued my intensive reading/studying over the past month and have so much going on in my head about the way the Christian life is supposed to look and how the church is supposed to function. Me thinks I may have been a little ambitious and taken a bigger bite than I can handle right now! Going crazy and brain dead may be in my foreseeable future. It's overwhelming to see how far we have to go. It's discouraging to have to wonder how many people would even be willing to see a change. It's confusing to not have a clue what the next step is. All in all, it's resulted in more than one afternoon of staring out the window and fighting back the flood of emotions that comes with having a million question marks and no periods.

But time in communion with my Heavenly Father has yielded at least a short-term plan for me. As I poured my heart out about my confusion and this lost, deer-in-headlights feeling I was fighting, He grounded me back in my own, personal reality. "Just stay faithful to '7'" He whispered. "I led you to it. Do that and rest in knowing that I will show you what comes next."

I am such an all-or-nothing person... When something has my attention I dream big, plan bigger, and go all in. And sometimes throwing caution to the wind and just going for it is exactly what following Jesus looks like. But other times, following Jesus looks like 3 years of talking to people who will eventually crucify you. The disciples were ready to help Jesus get His army together to plant that kingdom too... but that wasn't the first step in the journey.

One step at a time... one month at a time. Stay faithful. Trust Him to effect the change. He knows my future, the future of the church, the future of the nation. Pursue Him wholeheartedly... and let Him do HIS work.